Full episode transcript

Lightly edited for readability. Speaker labels: Liz Roman (LIZ), Becca Chilczenkowski (BECCA).

Why high achievers never feel like it's enough

[0:33]LIZ: Welcome back to the Health Revival Show. We've got another mindset, I don't know what day it is going up yet. Mindset Monday or what do we used to call Friday fires?

[0:46]BECCA: We call them Friday fires.

[0:47]LIZ: I know.

[0:48]BECCA: Well, today's kind of different. Like last week we recorded one that was around more going all in and really committing. And this one's kind of the opposite in a way because I think that maybe Liz and I need this for ourselves and maybe you need this, but kind of that mentality of like nothing is ever enough, right? Like you hit the goal and immediately move the line. You never stop and are proud of things, which then leads you into this place where you are constantly displeased, right? Like you're never finding actual happiness.

[1:25]BECCA: And I was listening to Ed Mylett's podcast the other day. He seems like such a good person, but then I hear mixed things. I don't know. But either way, he had Rob Dyrdek on the podcast who, if you don't know who Rob Dyrdek is, he does Ridiculousness, the show. He's like this business guru, which I always find so fascinating because he's like this skater boy that started this skater company when he was like 16 and had just... I'm always fascinated by people like this. But what he was talking about was kind of like he realized all of these things sucking the life out of him in business and in accomplishments and all of these different aspects.

[2:07]BECCA: And he's like, so what I did is I started to evaluate what my time was going to, how much of my life that was, and is it worth it? Is it putting back into me or is it just taking? And it can be very hard when you are a type A go-getter personality because there's a lot of positives to being that type of way. But it can leave you feeling really empty a lot of days and frustrated and angry. A lot of people who are really rich and famous and they're like, the money doesn't make me happy.

[2:43]BECCA: They just want to have the ability to go on vacation with their family and not be bothered or not be bombarded in terms of people recognizing them. I've heard many of those people say that.

How boundaries calmed Liz's nervous system

[2:53]LIZ: And I'll say, I've been pretty transparent about this the past few months. I've set some better boundaries. I'm not perfect with them, but it has helped my nervous system so much in regards to not being always on social media, right? Because in our business, a lot of what we do is based upon social media and podcasting like we're doing now. But I would find myself answering questions late night, early morning, all these things, feeling like I need to constantly be on there. And it wasn't fair to myself, number one, my family.

[3:33]LIZ: It also wasn't fair to my clients. And I actually said this to one of our clients, I'm like, you need to not message me on Instagram. You message me in our practice better because you are a private client and you come first. And so even just having some better boundaries around this has helped from a nervous system perspective. It doesn't necessarily always help with what we're going to talk about related to the emotions just yet. It's certainly a maturity thing, I think, and getting used to making the shift and honestly allowing myself permission to not feel like I have to be working 24/7.

[4:10]LIZ: And it's the same way in a personal journey.

Why healing feels slow even when it's working

[4:13]LIZ: So if we can spin this around, if you're in a weight loss journey right now, or health and healing journey, it's often when you're not there yet, you only see the negative, but you forget about all the other good things that have happened. Oh, I'm not as bloated. My acid reflex isn't there. I'm able to tolerate more foods. I am recovering better for my workouts. I do have better energy. My sleep is better. Instead, they focus mainly on the fact that they're still following a protocol. And maybe it doesn't give them as much freedom as they would like by now, or that it's taking longer than they want or that the weight hasn't come up yet.

[4:51]LIZ: So when we're in this state of negativity and not always there, not because you're moving the line, it's also like you said before, important to kind of take a step back and realize this is part of the process too. And then from a personality perspective, if you know yourself, and you know, like Becca and I have shared many times being more of a dopamine addict and a high achiever, my expectations are high. Details matter. I remember one of our mentors telling us, and you're making these changes with your team and you're leveling up the expectations, give it 90 days, if not six months to really see what you want to come to fruition.

[5:31]LIZ: Because Becca and I like, I would definitely, I'm instant gratification. Like I say it Tuesday, I want it done last Tuesday, but that's not how it works.

What high-functioning burnout actually looks like

[5:40]BECCA: No, it's not. And I think some signs of this is like when you do things, it's almost like it's a numbness feeling, you know, it's this burnout that doesn't always show up until it's there. Like it's not like there's there's signs, but you ignore them. Like you're doing the work, you're smiling. You're a lot of times it looks like productivity. And it looks like not being able to sit down, not being able to stop and not do things. Like last night, I, the kids were eating dinner and they were watching a movie upstairs.

[6:18]BECCA: And I was like, well, maybe I'll watch it. Nick's out of town. I was like, maybe I'll watch a show. And I was like, but I should get on my computer. And it's like 7:30 at night. And it's just like, that is the instant knee jerk reaction of, I have a bit, I have a spare moment. I should be doing something, you know, and it's the weekends too. And it's hard, like not being on social media when your business is on social media. But I told Liz last week, Carson said to me on the way home from the store, maybe on Saturday, he was like, mom, when is the next weekend that like, you're not going to work.

[6:52]BECCA: And he's getting old enough to notice those things. Like he's eight, he sees, you know, and it, I think it's such a sticky situation sometimes too, especially when your job is on social media. And I was thinking about this the other day, I was like, oh my God, what about when my kids have an Instagram account and they can see what I'm doing on social media? Cause I talk about sex and I talk about female hormones and body parts.

[7:15]LIZ: Oh geez. Well, let's tell them about Taylor the other day. She sent me a little video. She was on the counter and she's a little unicorn. It's like a little unicorn pretend phone that she has and put it record stuff.

[7:30]BECCA: Yeah. She was recording and saying how she was going to post and this and that, whatever. She was like, like, and subscribe. And I was like, oh my God. Well, you don't say that.

How to support the creators you learn from

[7:43]LIZ: So thankfully it wasn't for me. Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, share the show. So actually right now, wherever you're listening, if you enjoy the podcast, don't forget that you can enter to win a box. We need to pick September's. We'll do that on the next episode. And in there we are giving you some amazing goodies, but you need to rate, review, subscribe, and ideally share the show. And what I love most, I'm going to be really raw and honest right now. Instagram is extremely frustrating across the board for content creators.

[8:16]LIZ: I hate the word influencers. We are not influencers. We are educators and content creators. Okay. Maybe I influence you in good ways to buy certain things to help you get some fiber gummies moves. They're so good. I kind of want to eat some right now. There's strawberry Kiwi and it just tastes like gummy bears and I love gummy bears. But right now there's been kind of like a shift. And I think it's also partially that people are just getting exhausted of things. And I understand that. So I know for me, I have felt more like handcuffed into, I want to go and answer on my stories, all of the questions.

[8:52]LIZ: But if I do that, my views go down because it's too many things. And so it is just a bit challenging at the moment because this is a large part of our business, right? This is how we get our word of mouth out. Oh my gosh. Word of mouth out beyond the podcast. And so I would just ask that if you're following someone, your friends, okay. That you like, you don't have to buy anything for them. I can give them a heart button, share it, save it, do something with it. Because if you're just scrolling on by you're a jerk.

[9:22]LIZ: We work so hard to put all of like Becca, how many hours?

[9:27]BECCA: I don't know. It's like 12 to 16 hours a week.

[9:31]LIZ: I know. That doesn't pay you anything.

[9:33]BECCA: It absolutely is. And so it's one of those things where, you know, you kind of feel handcuffed and there's like, well, I'm trying to figure out what I should be doing and I shouldn't be doing in the last week. I said, forget it. I'm just going to do what feels right for me and stay authentic. But that also means that views are down again.

[9:48]LIZ: And so wherever you are listening for business owners, content creators, people that you consume their content, the way that you give back to us is that you do share it. You do like it. You do save it. You heard it because that tells the algorithm that you want to see more of this. Even one of our good friends, Jocelyn, she's a huge following. She's the cutest thing ever. She was devastated with what's kind of happening in her space right now, because it's happening for us too. My content's not even going to my own followers.

[10:19]LIZ: And that would tell me that it's because they're scrolling on by. So either my content sucks or you're just not simply pausing to get the like in the safe. And so like, you might see me later. I've been trying to do different random pages for people like commenting on their stories or liking or savings. I know I always like all of your stuff, but at the end of the day, it's like, I don't even see Becca stories unless I go look, I have to type in the hormone queen. And I don't know why that is.

[10:46]LIZ: I have this with a few other people. And so we get to this point where like, it does feel exhausting and overwhelming and you want to throw in the towel, but obviously we're not going to do that. So this is a very long winded way to say, please rate review, subscribe, share the show, like the post on Instagram, share it to Instagram, tell other people when we reshare that it again, tells the algorithm, other people want to see this. And it just helps us because we are overachievers. And sometimes as we're going to talk about next, there is a depression of, and I'm going to say, I have felt like it's a me problem.

[11:19]LIZ: I suck. My content's not good. I don't know how to be better. I'm trying, I'm trying to get better at my hooks. I'm trying to get better at my storytelling. I've spent the last year with various mentors, but it's not good enough. And so you honestly feel like it's a you problem and you can't be proud of what you're doing. And at the end of the day, like I had this epiphany last week where I was like, why am I so stressed about this? And it was because I was looking all at the numbers.

[11:47]LIZ: And if we look at the numbers, we're not authentic. And so this too, I know can impact the emotional aspect. And therefore you show up more snappy or short tempered, you're impatient, right? Maybe the people around you, I've gotten into arguments with my husband about these things too, because he manages our brand and then I'm like overwhelmed. And so it's just, it can feel like a lot. And sometimes it feels like you are almost in that state of depression because it's never good enough. Instead of like Becca just said, you know what?

[12:20]LIZ: If Instagram doesn't want to play, they want, you know, the way they used to play, then fine. I'm going to go over here. I'm going to get a better YouTube. I'm going to keep doing the things that I'm doing, but I'm going to just keep showing up in other spaces and trying to, you know, do other things to be more creative because I know that what I have to share is important. My business, our clients, right? Our team, this is proof in the pudding that we get results, that we help people heal no matter what the likes on Instagram may tell me.

Why does my family get the worst of me?

[12:50]BECCA: Yeah. And I think the way that I have to be aware of it, and this is something I have really tried to start having more awareness around self-awareness is what am I acting like around my family? Because sadly, like they're the ones that get the brunt of it, right? It's, I'm never going to take it out on a client. You know, Liz and I vent often about hard days and about challenging cases and all the fires that end up on our laps and all of those things. And, you know, honestly, I don't know how people do it alone.

[13:21]BECCA: Everyone's like having a business partner so hard. I'm like, I don't think I'd be able to do this without a business partner. Like Liz and I lean on each other heavily. But when you're not physically there, right? Like when I'm at Taylor's game or I'm at Carson's game, and I'm looking at Instagram messages and trying to reach people and like give answers and all of this stuff. And what Ed Mylett said on the podcast was so interesting. He was like, I'm not, I don't have a great memory. Like my wife will be like, don't you remember when, you know, his daughter, she was five and like this.

[13:52]BECCA: And he's like, I don't remember. She's like, you were sitting right there. And it's like, when you're there, but you aren't, right? Because your mind is in a million places, your worth gets tied to your output resting feels like you're not doing enough and you're quitting. Like you just go numb to joy and you don't allow yourself to feel it. You don't allow yourself to be present. And I think a lot of people are guilty of this now with social media and phones. And like, it's not just us like right at a restaurant, look like everyone.

[14:20]BECCA: And even there was like this little girl at Taylor's t-ball game yesterday. She was one of the sisters of one of the players. And she was maybe 10 years old. And she was walking in front of me and stopped with her phone and just posed and like lifted up her leg and posed for the phone. I was like, Oh my God, she was by herself. She's like completely oblivious to everyone around her. But it's just, it's the world we live in, but it's happening at such a bad level that I feel like relationships are getting lost.

[14:50]BECCA: And then as someone that is tied to output, because like, you can't ignore numbers. Like Liz was just saying we look at our story views. I look at all of these things. I see how much like things are or are not performing. And sometimes I swear to God, there's no rhyme or reason, like absolutely no rhyme or reason. And then it's even more frustrating because you don't know how to replicate it and you don't know how to replicate good performance. And I love the reels. I think you said it to me of these people that are like imitating all of the influencers of how to be better on social media.

[15:21]BECCA: And it's like, I grew $3 million in the past year. And it's like, shut up. It's like, I can't anymore. I cannot, because everything is different. I feel like algorithms don't make sense anymore. They're not applicable anymore. It's just, it is so frustrating,

How do I know if I'm burned out or just tired?

[15:35]BECCA: But you have to start looking at the signs of what's going on. Like you're not getting any joy in a day. You're not having the breaks that allow you to mentally disconnect. You're not giving yourself any downtime. You're constantly dreading your day-to-day tasks. You're relying more on stimulants like caffeine or alcohol or whatever it might be. Poor sleep, your weight's going up, cravings, gut issues, like not remembering the last time you did something just for you or just for your spouse or like had a date night or had time with your kids without a phone or without being distracted by something.

[16:17]BECCA: It's like, it's so easy to get stuck in this. And I think women are better than men at recognizing it because I think women are just more community people. Like we thrive off of community and we thrive off of emotions and discussions and talking through things where I think men tend to hold things in a lot more. But even as a female, I still know that I don't all the time and it can build up very easily.

[16:45]BECCA: And sometimes burnout slaps you in the face. Like it's not this, oh, it was creeping in and I felt it. But it's like, no, it happens and you ignore it. And then you wake up one day and it's like, I'm going to burn it all down. And I don't want anything to do with it anymore. And then you become resentful and you take it out on the people closest to you because those are the people that you trust and that you don't even realize you're doing it to sometimes. And so we wanted to talk a little bit about like, one, how it can kind of look and two, what we would recommend doing and what we do, right?

[17:21]BECCA: Because we're not perfect, but I would say that we juggle quite a bit and have found ways to start to be better about this. And I think things that have truly helped, you know, have helped my energy, have helped my mood, have helped my relationships. And, you know, things that I maybe wouldn't do too, as someone that takes on a lot. And like, I just became the room parent for both my daughter and my son. I don't know why I did that. Why did I do that? Why did I answer that email?

[17:56]BECCA: But here we are.

Why do I snap at my husband over nothing?

[17:57]LIZ: I don't know why you did that. So I think the first and most important thing is that you need to decide what are the things that are sucking your energy and where do you, have you ever had a moment where you are having like this out of body experience? Like, you know, you're snapping at your husband. And honestly, he's not doing anything. You're just in your luteal phase and he's chewing and he's breathing normally. But you are acting kind of crazy because I will tell you, I have been there. And in my mind, I'm like, Liz, stop.

[18:30]LIZ: What are you doing? Why are you saying this? Like, just get up and leave. Instead, you're being really snappy and moody. And it's like, I don't want to be around myself right now. So recognize that's a nervous system dysregulation that you need to figure out how to correct. And so it's not just the moment that it's happening. It's also the things that lead up to it, because I will just use myself as a personal example here. It's typically happening when I have put too much on my plate and I have expected myself to get massive projects done on top of client calls, lab reviews, followups, protocol, you know, plus I have a team, plus I'm reviewing case studies, plus, plus, plus, plus.

[19:12]LIZ: So really looking at what are the things that you can delegate and things that you can put boundaries around.

Phone boundaries that actually stick

[19:18]LIZ: I got a brick. It's this little device that you have to have with you if you want to unbrick yourself. And I basically set it from 5 to 8 PM to have certain apps shut off so that I cannot interact on those apps during that timeframe as a reminder for me to get back to living with my family. And that has really helped. I've also just stopped giving enough about everything and realizing that it's not going to all happen today. I can get back to that person tomorrow. If my practice better messages aren't fully cleared out, I'm not spending a lot of time on my phone and social media because they are my clients that have to get back to first.

[19:55]LIZ: So those are some things that I would say. I also think that it's really important to prime your day mentally and emotionally. So for me, we're in a season of life right now where we're out the door at 6:30. Sometimes I do get a little bit of time by myself in the morning, which is glorious, but typically I don't, when Ethan is home and he's getting a little bit better, we got to 5:30 today. You know, he's cuddling like that last hour. So what we've been doing is we drop off, we leave the house at 6:30, we drop off, we go to the gym.

[20:25]LIZ: And then that's been my time. And I've not been doing a lot of work before I get onto my computer because it definitely takes me away in terms of like client work and checking my messages and everything. It takes me away from preparing my brain for the day and making that to do list. So that's a couple of things that I have found for me. And then honestly, binge watching Chad Powers, binge watching a show that like we don't ever get to do. And the last couple of Sundays being just like really strict with our boundaries of like, we're not putting plans on the calendar.

[21:00]LIZ: We're not going out. We may hang out with our neighbors in the driveway for a little bit while the kids play, but we're just on it. We're prepping, we're doing laundry, we're going to church, you know, we're doing the things that lazy Sundays. I like lazy Sundays and want to do, and let it be because tomorrow is Monday and we're going to get to it tomorrow. Nobody needs to hear from me on Sunday. That's kind of the philosophy I've taken recently.

What morning routine helps with burnout?

[21:27]BECCA: Yeah, no, absolutely. So I am lucky that my kids sleep very well and they go to school late. And so my mornings, I really like my morning routine. I wake up at 5:15, Nick goes to the gym, I come and work. And it's more my creative time. Like that's my time that I either prep for the day. If I need to, I, you know, work on content, creativity projects, whatever it might be, but I have a solid hour and a half or so. And that's also if, and when I do cold plunges or I do, you know, whatever I need to, I have my devotional time in the morning.

[22:03]BECCA: I pray, I spend time with God, I talk to him. And that's kind of like my reset morning every morning. And then in the, on the weekends, I used to also wake up at 5:15 and now I'm letting myself sleep until like six, six 15, 6:30, lay in bed a little bit, not work first thing in the morning on a Saturday or Sunday. And if I need to get something done, like I will get it done and I will find time to do it in the day, but I'm really trying to have that disconnect.

[22:31]BECCA: And same with like Friday nights, Saturday nights, not working at those times, completely leaving my phone, like either upstairs or in the kitchen or wherever it might be. And being really intentional about when I do have my kids, what am I doing with them? Right? Like, am I present with them? Like tonight we don't have a game. So normally we have games or practices on weeknights. And so we're going to go shopping because they need new shoes, because I swear to God I get these kids new shoes every month and then they're destroyed by the next month.

[23:03]BECCA: And so we're going to go get new shoes. We're going to hang out, we're going to make dinner together. Like we're going to have, you know, time, Nick's traveling. So we will have that time. It's actually pretty nice out. So we'll probably spend some time outside too. But I also have been trying to listen to more podcasts, not actually on education because sometimes when you constantly consume health information, it just like, I spend all day talking about it. I talked to clients about it. I'm looking at client stuff. Like sometimes I just need a break.

[23:34]BECCA: So I listened to mindless things like Kristin Cavallari's podcast is total. It's, it's like, it's mindless, completely mindless. And I love that.

[23:45]LIZ: Driving in silence. Sorry. I'm like, I don't even realize I'm doing it. I was thinking the other day when Art was gone and I had the kids by myself, I was like, huh, I'm literally just driving in silence and this is peaceful. And I'm like looking around at like, I mean, we're kind of out in the country. So I see the countryside and the goats and animals and cows and all the things, but

[24:09]BECCA: Yeah, mindless is funny too. Or like comedy.

[24:12]BECCA: Yes. I love to laugh. And like what I do spend time on my phone at night sometimes is literally scrolling and just laughing my butt off at like dog reels and people falling. And like, I just, there's just things that I just, it makes me so happy. That's what I do. And I don't look at anything educational on Instagram at night. It's just like, I need 15 minutes to just watch stupid videos and laugh my butt off. And that makes me happy. And that's what I use social media for.

Even practitioners have off days

[24:44]LIZ: I'm using it for my head, like interior design, house stuff, beyond what Ashley came and did. Right. We have the big stuff and the big vision for her, but yeah, the other day I just got down a rabbit hole and chat GPT taking pictures of like our bathrooms and like all the things I'm like, you know, show me here in art or in Marcus last night. It was like, mom, why is there a tray on the bathtub now? What are you going to do with that? And I was like, it's for decor.

[25:07]LIZ: Don't touch it. What is this for? I'm like, that's for a candle. That's for a plant. They're not in yet. I know it doesn't like look like it's going to look good yet, but yes, my scrolling and then it's more shopping. But I think anytime I watch, like you said, people falling, I love, honestly, the menopause shit and the husbands. There's one that I sent to art and I told them I want to recreate it and I have a vision and it's going to be hilarious. If we actually follow through with it involving tampons and like all kinds of things, because truly when you're in menopause, and I think this is something that women should also understand.

[25:43]LIZ: Like I apologize if Becca and I have painted a picture for you that we just feel amazing every day, because I do feel good every day. Yesterday I had weird gas. I don't know why zero reason it was one day it went away. Okay, cool. Whatever. Move on. Thankfully it didn't smell, but I have days where I don't feel maybe as excited and I'm a little more tired, right? I'm sluggish in the gym compared to different times in my cycle where I'm feeling really strong, you know? So it's really important to think too, that things are going to ebb and flow, especially if you're still a menstruating female and you're in the season of life, not every day is going to be a hundred percent and evaluating and knowing if you gave a hundred percent of what you had as a hundred percent that day, then that's good.

[26:31]LIZ: You're going to have a time and a place and, you know, hopefully it's multiple days out of the month. I don't really have many of those blah days, but you're going to have some days, even when you have healed, I hate that term, right? But you've taken care of like the major symptoms or you're just not feeling it or you're feeling fluffy or the scale went up because you tried to put on some muscle and you took some growth hormone and then you just gained five pounds of water and then it took a week to come off.

[26:59]LIZ: Like there are these things that happen. So I just think it's important to remember that too. Cause what you will see on social media is a lot of a highlight reel that everything is perfect. That person has six packs ab all the time. No, she doesn't. Okay. Even one of our mentors was like, just find a day that your belly is flat. And I was like, well, most days it's flat. Thank you very much. But you know, draw on your stomach more. I'm like, okay, I will do that. Maybe. I don't know.

[27:28]LIZ: I like still struggled to like, just like show my body out there in bikinis and stuff, but that's just me. So I'm like, all right, I'll try this again. I mean, just recognize that not every day is going to be a hundred percent and that's across the board with physical, emotional, mental. Some days you're just done. You're done with the week. You're done with talking to people. And that's why I think I was just driving, you know, in silence.

How do I stop feeling guilty for resting?

[27:49]LIZ: But when you're in this place, I think, look at what did I show up for today? And am I proud of that? Did I give the a hundred percent that I had and what did I not get done that maybe it was okay for me to have grace around or you're giving yourself too much grace and then you just need to kick yourself in the butt and be like, you're a grown ass woman. Get your shit together. You know, I think there's a fine here.

[28:18]BECCA: Yeah. And I think really try and evaluate this is what I do. Like the end of the day is, was I patient? Was I, you know, good to my family? Did I get realistically what could have gotten done today done? If I didn't, what were the limitations there? And being okay with good enough, because as a type A person, you tend to put way more on your plate than you are going to be capable of getting done. And then you tend to beat yourself up about it. It's a very vicious cycle.

[28:45]BECCA: Almost every single one of them does it. And also seasons matter. Like you might be in a season of growth, but then you also have to have some periods of calm. You know, our mentors have talked about like three weeks sprints and a one week break or, you know, having something built in there. You cannot go hardcore 24/7, 365. You just can't like you have to have legitimate breaks built in and being specific with what you are grateful for. I, every night before I go to bed or when I'm in bed, before I fall asleep, I remind myself of the things I'm grateful for.

[29:18]BECCA: I thank God for periods of that day, what happened that day, whether it is, you know, thank you for, I always say like, thank you for keeping my kids safe, for keeping myself and my husband safe, like things that are simple, but that matter because there are so many people that are less fortunate. There are so many people that have hardships day in and day out. Right. And so I try to look back on what am I grateful for? What am I thankful for? And taking those pauses and being really kind of intentional and specific about it too.

[29:51]BECCA: Like my body has put up with a lot. I put it through a lot and yes, I give it a lot. I give it a lot of things to help it.

Frequently asked questions

Why Do I Snap at My Husband Over Nothing?

Snapping at your husband over nothing is usually a nervous system problem, not a marriage problem. FitMom practitioners Liz Roman and Becca Chilczenkowski see it most in high-achieving women running on chronic overload, which keeps cortisol elevated and shrinks your tolerance. It often spikes in the days before your period, when progesterone falls. The fix starts upstream: cut what drains you and build real off-hours.

What are the signs of burnout in women?

Becca Chilczenkowski of FitMom lists the signs most women miss: no joy in your day, no real breaks, dreading routine tasks, leaning harder on caffeine or alcohol, poor sleep, cravings, gut issues, and weight creeping up. The sneakiest sign is that it looks like productivity. You're still smiling and getting everything done, right up until the day you want to burn it all down.

Why am I more irritable right before my period?

In the late luteal phase, the days before your period, progesterone drops. Progesterone breaks down into a compound that has a calming effect on the brain, so when it falls, your patience can fall with it. Liz Roman of FitMom says that if you're already overloaded, that drop is what tips you from tired into snapping at someone who is just chewing.

Can burnout cause gut issues and cravings?

Yes. Chronic stress keeps cortisol elevated, and higher cortisol pushes appetite toward sweet, high-calorie food, while the gut and the nervous system talk to each other constantly. FitMom treats cortisol as one of three fuel lines, alongside gut and blood sugar, that feed most chronic symptoms. That's why burnout rarely shows up as plain exhaustion. It shows up as cravings, bloating, poor sleep and a shorter fuse.

What does high-functioning burnout look like?

High-functioning burnout looks like a woman who can't sit down. Becca Chilczenkowski of FitMom describes it as a numbness that hides behind productivity: the kids are watching a movie at 7:30 at night and your first instinct is to open the laptop instead of joining them. Every spare moment feels like it should be used, and rest starts to feel like quitting.

Why can't I relax even when I have free time?

Because a nervous system stuck in overdrive reads stillness as falling behind. When your worth gets tied to your output, resting registers as quitting, so your body keeps the gas pedal down even on a Sunday. FitMom's practitioners build protected off-hours, like locking social apps from 5 to 8 PM or keeping one day with nothing on the calendar, until rest feels safe again.

Why don't I feel proud when I hit my goals?

High achievers move the finish line the moment they cross it. Becca Chilczenkowski of FitMom calls it the nothing-is-ever-enough loop: you hit the goal, immediately raise the bar, and never stop to register the win. Over time that constant displeasure feeds burnout. Her fix is deliberate: at the end of each day, ask whether you were patient and what you actually showed up for.

Why does healing feel slow even when my protocol is working?

Because you only measure what hasn't changed yet. Liz Roman of FitMom sees clients fixate on the protocol they're still following while ignoring real progress: less bloating, reflux gone, more foods tolerated, better sleep, better energy, faster workout recovery. Her rule for high achievers is to give real change 90 days to six months before judging it, and to notice the wins as they happen.

Is it normal to have off days after you've healed your gut?

Yes. Liz Roman of FitMom, known as @thepoopqueen, says she still has days with random gas, lower energy or a sluggish workout, especially at certain points in her cycle. Social media is a highlight reel. Doing the work doesn't mean feeling perfect every day. It means giving 100 percent of what you have that day, and counting that as a win.

How do I set phone boundaries when my work is online?

Liz Roman of FitMom uses an app-blocking device that shuts off her social apps from 5 to 8 PM so evenings go back to her family. She also moved client questions out of Instagram DMs and into FitMom's private practice platform. Becca Chilczenkowski leaves her phone in another room on Friday and Saturday nights and no longer works first thing on weekend mornings.

Key terms

Nervous system dysregulation

When your stress response stays switched on longer than the moment calls for, so small things trigger big reactions. Liz's example: snapping at a husband who is just chewing.

Cortisol

Your main stress hormone. It should run high in the morning and low at night. Chronic overload keeps it elevated. FitMom treats it as one of three fuel lines.

Fuel lines

FitMom's framework for what feeds chronic symptoms: gut, blood sugar and cortisol. Symptoms are the smoke; the fuel lines feed the fire.

Luteal phase

The second half of the menstrual cycle, from ovulation to your period. Progesterone rises, then falls in the days before bleeding.

Progesterone

A hormone made after ovulation. Its breakdown product, allopregnanolone, has a calming effect on the brain, which is why its pre-period drop can shorten your fuse.

Burnout

Recognized by the World Health Organization as an occupational phenomenon: exhaustion, mental distance or cynicism, and reduced effectiveness from chronic stress that hasn't been managed.

High-functioning burnout

Not a clinical diagnosis. FitMom's shorthand for burnout that hides behind output: you're still productive and smiling while joy, sleep and patience drain away.

Sources

• World Health Organization. Burn-out an "occupational phenomenon": International Classification of Diseases. 2019.
• American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) FAQ.
• Hantsoo L, Epperson CN. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: Epidemiology and Treatment. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2015;17(11):87.
• Epel E, et al. Stress may add bite to appetite in women: a laboratory study of stress-induced cortisol and eating behavior. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2001;26(1):37-49.

This episode and page are for education only and are not medical advice. Talk to your own provider before changing medications or treatment. Individual results vary; FitMom does not guarantee health outcomes.